Resolutions

As you all know, I've been pretty overwhelmed about things recently. Honestly, these past 8 weeks have been some of the most challenging of my life. There were plenty of days when the exhaustion was so extreme and the hormones were so whacked, that I could almost see how a woman without support and love from friends and family would be able to totally loose her shit.  As a few people have said to me "I now know why tigers eat their young."

I never thought that it would be easy, but really I never thought that things would be this hard.  But somehow, someway I woke up 8 weeks to the day of having Zoe to feel like something was missing. This weight and dread of the day to come that has been hanging on my shoulders for the past 2 months was gone. Lucas spilled a cup of milk while Zoe was shrieking for the boob and I didn't break into tears. Jason came home from work that night to find us all dressed (in non-sleeping attire!), the house some-what picked-up and dinner made, and me - smiling. 

I had heard that 2nd time c-sections take a full 8 weeks to recover from - be it the extra scar tissue, being 3 years older or the whole "the first time you were not chasing around a 3 1/2 year old" reasoning, it did take me exactly 8 weeks to feel like "myself" again.

I'm thrilled to be starting 2008 in a new mindset. To not have to go on an antidepressant that I know I don't like, and to be able to put the end of 2007 behind me and just move on. I'm thrilled to start the new year out no longer being that person anymore. Really, I don't like her, she's hard to live with, and let's face it - she's no fun and she's OH SO BORING.

So, my resolutions for 2008 are ways to make myself feel like a better person. How to stay positive and manage life as a mother of 2. Here are a few of the things I've been thinking of..
1: To "let it go" - My new mantra of not stressing/obsessing over things out of my control and just sitting down and dealing, then letting it go.

2: "Pay it forward" - I'm really going to try to do or say at least ONE nice thing to someone a day. I REALLY want to make an effort to do things like tell Jason how much I love him, tell a stranger that her hair looks good, tell Lucas that he is smart, help someone with something simple. Doing little things for others will make me feel better about myself as a person and hopefully brighten someone else's day even just a little.

3: Work on quieting my mind. This is straight from "Eat, Pray, Love".. this was the part of the book that really intrigued me the most since my mind is always going 5,000 mph. Whether its for 1 minute or 10, I my goal is to be able to shut off when I want to and have that control of my mind.

Those are my 3 main focuses for 2008. But if I happen to lose 20 lbs, stick to a work out schedule, get a fabulous new job or client and breastfeed Zoe until she's one, then all the better!

"Twas the day before New Years..

Lucas: Mommy! Daddy! Zoë is smiling in her sleep!

Jason: Ohh, she must be having a good dream. What do you think little babies dream about to make them smile?

Lucas: She's dreaming of sugar crumbs bouncing on her head!

Christmas Coma

We are in recovery mode here. It's 5:20 PM and Lucas is still in his PJs (his choice, he wouldn't let me change him. And as part of my fave parental motto of "pick your battles", I didn't fight him on it) and we are surrounded by a mess of some kind or another.

 We spent 4 days with my parent in LA and it was wonderful. I can't tell you how nice it was to have 2 extra people to entertain Lucas or hold the crying baby or cook us breakfast, lunch and dinner. Jason and I even escaped to a movie. It was like a vacation. I'm telling you, people are quick to bring dinner over the week you get home from the hospital with the baby - I say wait. Wait until the baby is 6-7 weeks old and the parents are really frazzled and sleep deprived. Because having someone else worry about one thing (like nutrition) for a few days, was heavenly.

We finally went to get our Santa pics taken. We went to the Grove mall in LA and waited for an embarrassing long 1 hour and 45 minutes to see the man with the bag, got to the front of the line to learn that their camera was broken. THANK the lord we had our camera with us. And yes, that is Zoë "the tiny-nosed reindeer.."

 Christmas eve was my parent's annual rocking Xmas eve celebration. We drank and ate.. well, others ate and drank. I nursed. Most of the night. I'm glad my outfit matched my "hooter hider" since that was my main accessory of the evening. Oh, that and spit up. And baby, that was the cutest accessory of the night in my opinion.

Lucas awoke on Christmas morning to a tree flooded in a lake of presents. Since I can't seem to find the time to eat or even pee these days, I'm FOREVER grateful that they took on "Santa duties" or Lucas would have had a pad of paper and a half eaten apple to open on Xmas morning.  But instead he had a spectacular array of plastic and color in various shapes like spaceship, balls and cars. The highlight of the morning was when Lucas noticed the large brightly colored stuffed dragon (since named "Furfee") nestled amongst the brightly wrapped presents. He ran over to the dragon, hugged it tight then ran to the window, waved to the sky and screamed "Oh, THANK YOU Santa Claus! Thank you!"

And then, we were spent..

In celebration of her first Christmas, Zoë was lucky enough to receive her very first "blue box" from my godmother, Liz. Something that she SHOULD have been way more excited about, but instead it appears that she looks down at her Tiffany box.. from the look on her face it seems that she is horrified that we would be excited by that box and that she wants to scream "MOM! Do you KNOW about the blood diamond controversy in Africa?!" Upon second glance, she also appears to look at bit like Clare Danes in the "My so called life" days.

And just because I never pass up the chance for a good photo opp:

P.S. - if you didn't get enough of your Zoe and Lucas picture fix, there are way more here..

You mean you forgot cranberries too?

***You know you have an infant around the holidays when...

It's December 19th and its the first time that year that you have heard "Holiday Wrapping" by the Waitresses.

***You know your going to hell when..

You tell your 3 1/2 year old son about a book called "Angela and the baby Jesus" and he says "MOMMY! You said a bad word!" (eeekkk...)

*** You know you're a peanut that only weighs 6lbs 5oz at 7 weeks when..

Your "good things come in small packages" onesie in the newborn size is still WAY too big...

and

Your newborn size tights are baggy on your chicken legs.

Gotta feel sorry for her first boyfriend

Last night I took Lucas to my hair girl for a little trim, and of course brought Zoë along for more people to oohh and aaahh over. Our family has been going to the same hair salon for years now, it's a father/daughter salon, and the daughter April cuts all our hair, and often her sister and/or mother are there - so we know the whole family.. oh, and how "small town" is this? April's husband is also our gardener (which, we didn't know until one day she was talking about Gil, her then fiancee's landscaping business, and we were like "Gil? Wait - We use Gil.." duh). Regardless..

Aprils father, Lloyd was cooing over Zoë's petiteness and adorable little feet, when he mentioned "Oh, those feet are so cute I just want to bite them off!" (which is interesting since I didn't realize the desire to bite off and shove adorable things like tiny baby parts in my mouth was so universal. I thought it was an odd-ball thing that me and my college friends just thought of because we were always drunk). So Lloyd turns to Lucas and says "Can I bite off her little feet?"

Lucas' eyes got all big, his face got red and in a very grown-up voice screamed "NO! THOSE ARE MY SISTER'S FEET!"

At 3 1/2 years apart, we figure Lucas will be a senior in High School when Zoë is a freshman and I already feel sorry for any teenage boy who looks at her the wrong way..