The Modern Era of Tanning Salons

"The quickest way to look 20lbs lighter? Get a spray tan!" - Dr. Oz

Admission: I've been going to tanning salons since high school. I'm a southern Cali girl - a tan is standard issue. Not to mention I was a competitive swimmer, and I needed to do something to get rid of that Speedo racerback line. I remember my mom dropping me and my neighbor off at the local tanning salon to boil under the bulbs for 30 minutes. Tanning was the norm in The Valley. Our high school Friday/Saturday night meet-up point was at "Suntans to Go". 

While fear and age has made me more hesitant to tan as of late, my desire for bronze sun kissed skin hasn't. And let's be honest, tan fat is SO much nicer looking than white fat. That's why I fell in love with airbrush tanning. But it's expensive and appointments can be limited so I'm always on the search for other options.

A few weeks ago iTans, a regional chain of tanning salons contacted me about covering their "Miss iTan" pageant. While pageants are really not my niche, I did ask them if I would be able to review their sunless tanning options, thinking that tanning was all they really do. In turn, the offered me a week long pass to try all the services they offer... apparently these days you can not only bronze your bottom in private, but get your teeth whitened, get a facial and sweat your boobs off in a body wrap all in one spot. I jumped at the chance to try out all the things that I was dying to try, but didn't think I wanted to spend the money on. 

Spray:

The first time I tried the Mystic Tan was back in 2002 and while I loved my color (it never turned me Oompa Lompa orange) I do remember standing in that booth holding my breath and hoping I didn't get that "dirty feet" look. While I checked out the new Mystic Tan machines, I chose to do the Vera Spa tan because it advertises that it will "bronze, hydrate and smooth fine lines in just one session." GAME ON SPRAY TAN SYSTEM. 

For this tan, I chose the "clear solution" (no added bronzer) and the post sunless super hydrating treatment. The booth was nice and airy and I didn't feel I needed to hold my breath the whole time and it was quick and easy. I also have to say that the tan was flawless. No funny marks, no dark spots and it was 100% even. Better than some of the airbrush tans I've had. I went with the lightest shade and I looked as if I just got back from a week in Palm Springs. Or ideally what I would want to look like after a week in Palm Springs, but Lord knows in reality I would have been burned and splotchy with dry skin from a week in the desert. 

I'm already planning on doing this tan again, on a regular basis, this summer. 

Tans:

Please don't lecture me, but while I was there I decided I needed a little Vitamin D, and went for the uber delux "Sun Angel" bed. Tanning beds have sure come a long way since my days at "Suntans 2 Go" and this particular bed is like the Porsche of them all. Since one of my main aging concerns is discoloration on my face, I really liked that I could turn off the facial tanners on this bed. Alas, I will admit that I did get a little red on my back, even though I only tanned for 1/2 the maximum time. 

I also tried the Level 2 "stand up" tanning bed. After using the Versa Mist spray tanner, this was a great way to make sure my skin was dry and it was nice to be able to lift my arms to tan my sides a bit. 

Spa:

During my week pass I was also abe to try three additional "spa treatments" offered at iTan. The "Beauty Angel" is a red light energy "skin rejuvination system." According to the marketing materials it "reduces the apperance of fine lines, wrinkles and cellulite while increasing circulation throughout your body." It sounds good, but in all honesty I can't give this a final review. Apparently results are seen after mulitple sessions, and I only had time in the week for one. It was nice, and my skin did feel firmer, but that could have been a result of the product I rubbed on first. 

Fit Body Wrap: Marketing materials say this burns up to 1,000 calories in 70 minutes.. while I don't have any way of knowing for sure, I will say that I sweated my patootie off. Imagine lying inside a heating pad sleeping bag for 60-70 minutes while wearing a white tissue track suit. Thats the experience of the Fit Body Wrap. People keep asking me how I laid for so long, but honestly I think the key for me was that I was on Book Three of the Fifty Shades series and thrilled to have 70 minutes to read uninterrupted. Yes it was hot. Yes I did sweat. And yes, the next day I was down 4 lbs... I know it was water weight, but I'll take it. 

Teeth Whitening: Last but not least, I tried the Whiter Image teeth whitening service that iTan offers. Its your basic mouth tray and LED light treatment, but it does work. Bonus for this system is that the light doesn't attach to the mouthpiece, and while I didn't experience any teeth sensitivity, if you do, you can pull away for a moment. 

While all these services are offered in one local San Diego chain, from the reasearch I've been doing, it apprears that services such as these are now commen for most tanning salons. I suggest checking out the manufactures websites for locations close to you, or checking in at your local tanning salon to see what they may offer. 

*disclosure: iTans provided me with a free "spa pass" to try all the services free of charge. Opions are my own.

The Irony of the Internets: Revenge of the Bronies

It's funny when people see something and immediately think of you. With me it's peacocks, anything turquoise and, sigh, Bronies. Yes, I have a bit of reputation when it comes to the Brony phenomenon due to the article I wrote about them on MOMfia last year. The post blew up on the site, and the Bronies came out in herds (haha - get it?) to defend themselves.

At first I let these kids (?) explain their side of the story and welcomed their comments that were desperately trying to prove me wrong. Cries of "we just love the animation" and "the story lines are aimed at adults" were thrown out and most of the initial comments were innocent -  Bronies just trying to prove that they were NOT wanting to have sex with animated rainbow horses or children. Then the comments turned a bit nasty, and we decided to shut them off. But that doesn't stop the Bronies from emailing me on a regular basis telling me I'm a closed minded, uptight bitch.

I will admit, there for awhile I thought maybe I was. And that kinda horrified me. 

I did make a jump to associating Bronies with child molestation and that, in hindsight, may have been too harsh. Because a grown person likes rainbows, hearts and talking horses does not mean they want to have sex with children. I get it. It was pure MOM-paranoia. And if this subculture really was not hurting kids, why should I care what these older men (and women) are doing in their free time? I really didn't mean to be overly dramatic about the whole thing... or come off so judgmental. I really just thought that this was an important thing for other moms to know, because YOU NEVER KNOW. Right?

RIGHT?

10 months after writing that article I was on a long call with AT&T Tech Support. In an attempt to keep Zoe entertained, I gave her my iPad and set her down on my bed while I argued with the tech support not 10 feet away. I've talked about what a digital child Zoe is before; She's 4 years old and can navigate an iPad better than most baby boomers. In fact, a recent tantrum was sparked because I refused to give her my password to iTunes. 

Seriously. She wanted to buy an app and I wouldn't let her. Hello, Being 4 in 2012: This is what you look like. 

So, Zoe was playing with the iPad and I heard something about Rarity and Pinky Pie in the background. She does have a few episodes of the show on my iPad in addition to the My Little Pony app, so nothing that raised suspicion. Until I heard a distinct male voice saying something about petting ponies. I ran over as fast as I could and grabbed the iPad from her hot little hands while screaming "NO YOUTUBE!" But it was too late. The "damage" was done... 

The ironic part? She wasn't watching something made by a Brony - but a cartoon called "My Little Bronies" by College Humor, which, in fact, pokes fun at the Brony subculture. 

Yes, I'm well aware that the Bronies reading this right now are smiling and muttering things about "karma being a bitch"...

While my main fear of the Brony fandom was my innocent daughter finding sexualy explicit MLP YouTube videos, in actuality I was left trying to explain to a 4 year old why a grown man has a collection of ponies and why Rarity and Pinkie Pie were trying to run away from him.

Quite literally when it came to the Bronies,  I had nothing to fear but the fear itself. 

HipMamaB Lit*: 50 Shades of Horrible Writing and Steamy Sex

* Term "Lit" used lightly.

DISCLOSURE: In-Laws and future employers need not read. Also, links may be NSFW networks. 

Years ago, our good friends moved into a new house in a predominantly “gay neighborhood” of San Diego. Once a month, their neighbors who lived at the end of the street and down a long driveway, would have a “party.” You knew it was party night when the lights on the pillars at the end of the driveway would come on, each post proudly displaying a rainbow flag.

We would sit in their old living room, looking out the bay windows as the patrons of the party would file in. One by one. Two by Two. Or even in groups. Always carrying bags with them. Apparently these neighbors were into bondage and other S&M-type activities. One night, a white van pulled up and 6 men jumped out. They then started unloading army-issue size duffle bags onto the sidewalk. They each picked up one or two bags and headed down the long driveway. That night, we looked at each other and all agreed, our brains could not even begin to comprehend what was going on in there. Not passing judgment as much as reeling in the thought there is a whole world of things that we know little to nothing about.

Until now.

***

It’s been a few weeks since I first heard about the erotic love story Fifty Shades of Grey. Being touted as “Mommy Porn”, people in my mommy circles keep raving about it. Article are being published crediting these books for rekindling marriages and women just can’t seem to get enough. And if there is one thing I can’t pass up, it’s a series of books that everyone’s reading.

I’m just a trend whore when it comes to things like that.

I powered through my Catching Fire re-read (yes, I know) and downloaded the first of the three eBooks, Fifty Shades of Grey, Thursday night and as of last night  (Monday) at midnight, I have now read all three books. They are horribly written. There were so many missed edits and typos that I caught, so I’m sure there were hundreds I didn’t. They were ridiculous. They were repetitive. And? I couldn’t put them down.

It was pathetic. Once I started I couldn’t stop myself. This poorly written story grabbed onto me and I was paralyzed to do anything else until I devoured every last word. My “inner goddess” “flushed” as my “hooded eyes” quickly raced over every word… Oh god. It was a train wreck I just couldn’t pry myself away from gawking at.

So what is the deal with these books? What is it about them that Universal Pictures spent $5 million on opting the movie rights?

 If you’ve read anything about them, you know that they actually stemmed from Twilight Fan Fiction. And just like Twilight made it “okay” for grown women to openly read YA novels, the Fifty Shades series is making it okay for grown women to openly admit to reading erotic content. Since the book, until TODAY, was only available in an electronic format, it made it easy for woman to sit and read it anywhere – like poolside on Easter Sunday or during their daughter’s gymnastic class {admitting to nothing}. And now because of the mainstream attention, we can also openly talk about the books with our girlfriends, husbands and maybe even book clubs (hey, it will be the ONE book everyone will actually read!).

Let’s face it – while the sex scenes are steamy and rather explicit – I think it’s more the theme of the book that causes a woman, mainly a mom, to get wrapped up in the fantasy of it. We’re all getting older and no matter who you are being a mom tests your self-esteem on a regular basis. The hope that while we are self conscious about our hair, our bodies or our clothes that someone else out there thinks we are amazingly beautiful. We cling to the hope that with one look (or lip bite) we can still send our men reeling, making them crazy with desire. And? After all is said and done, after years of marriage, kids, saggy boobs and financial debates, we want to believe in one thing that can heal everything – love.

And then there’s the sex.

As I mentioned above, before this book my mind could never even wrap around some of these things. Maybe it still can’t, but the BDSM was, uhh…. eye opening to say the least.

But let’s be honest here, if you are a big reader, the majority of the intimate scenes in this book are not something new. In fact, being that I’m a huge fan of the Sookie Stackhouse books, I half expected Christian to turn into a vampire or dark angel at any moment. But still, sex is like pizza…

Not that I think that the majority of married woman out there will rush out to get spreader bars (then again, who knows?)… some may be tempted to look into some simple kits to get them started or other adult toys for their own personal “playrooms.” And honestly, I think online sex toy shops like EdenFantasys are going to see a spike in sales of “silver balls” like they’ve never seen before. 

And if you’re a little lost now that you’ve powered through all three books in 4 days {ahem} check out the EdenFantasys book club for some new suggestions.

Laters, baby...

Have you read the Fifty Shades series yet? What did you think? Why did you like them?

*More disclosure: www.edenfantasys.com is compensating me for including the links included in this post. Yes, you can thank me for doing all the research for you in the comments below. 

HipMamaB NOMS: Trader Joe's No-Bake Peanut Butter Rice Cereal Treats

I love the Trader Joe's "snack counter." That little corner where they are always sampling tasty treats... It's pure marketing genius also since I've almost NEVER have walked out without the goods they were sampling in my cart. The other day my local TJ's was sampling this treat and Zoe and I went nuts for it. So much so that we bought all the ingredients and came home and made it that very afternoon.

Since not all of you are blessed with the wonder food of a Trader Joe's on your corner, I thought I'd share this recipe. Perfect for any occasion, easy to make and OMG good.

Whatcha' Need:

(Trader Joe's brand recommended if possible)

1 cup brown sugar

1 cup Blue Agave Syrup

1 cup Salted Creamy Peanut Butter

7 cups Crispy Rice Cereal

Chocolate Chips (optional but go ahead - add them)

1) Combine the brown sugar and blue agave syrup in a saucepan and bring to a near boil. Stir often and until the brown sugar dissolves and then remove from heat (this takes all of about 3 minutes to achieve)

2) Add the peanut butter to the mixture above and mix well. Transfer to large bowl and add rice cereal and chocolate chips. Mix it all up.

3) Press mixture into a greased baking pan. Refrigerate for a few hours to cool and harden

4) Enjoy in a few hours

5) Send me a thank you note for telling you about this amazingly easy treat.

TOMS for the Elite: Nieman-Marcus' better made and more expensive exclusive line of TOMS shoes

Last Saturday this woman walked by me in the CUTEST TOMS I've seen yet. They were metallic gold - but not sequined like the ones I've seen before. I immediately stopped her to ask about them. "Oh, they are from Niemans! I guess they have their own exclusive styles," she kindly replied with a look of worry, like I was going to physically yank them off her feet. I turned to my friend Carrie and said "We're going to Niemans."

Since shoe shopping was next on our list, Carrie didn't need too much convincing. We headed to the Nieman Marcus store in the Newport Fashion Island Shopping Center and confirmed that yes, Niemans does have a different variety of TOMS shoes than I've seen other places - and these TOMS come with at least a $30 higher price point.

Yes, TOMS for the rich. 

The thing that intrigued me the most is that while these shoes were more expensive, they also were better made. While the TOMS I own look like the rubber sole was attached with a hot glue gun, these TOMS had a thicker, more sturdy bottom that was sewn on. Additionally, these had a leather area on the bottom near the arch with the TOMS logo. While I've debated the TOMS ballet flats at Nordstrom because they seem (and feel) like they are almost made of cardboard, the NM exclusive metallic hot pink TOMS ballet flats were comfortable from the moment I slipped my foot into them. So really, if you have been wanting TOMS but are too afraid of slipping into a dirty hippie look, these are the TOMS for you. 

But this discovery also left a strange feeling in my stomach. From a marketing stand-point I understand the need to offer different retailers different "exclusive" items that fit with their brand. I don't think that $85 TOMS will sell as well at your local surf shop as they would in New York City. So why am I kinda astonished by learning about this?

I think it has to do with the integrity of the company's mission: the "one for one" concept. I would (and have) slapped down $45 for a pair of some-what ugly canvas shoes knowing that a child out there is receiving a pair in return. But $125 for exclusive Nieman-Marcus hot pink ballet flats - that's not socioeconomic trade, but pure old American capitalism. Are the women of 5th Ave too good to wear the same TOMS as the beach bums in Encinitas? Does the upper class really need their very own, specially made TOMS? And I'm sure the price difference in making the shoes this much "better" is pennies on the dollar.. so is TOMS giving two or three pairs to needy children in return for their purchase? 

Food For Thought

Anne, one of my oldest and dearest friend's has dedicated her life to helping others around the world. From Africa to Haiti she's been there, providing aid and medicine to those that don't have it. I asked her opinion on TOMS shoes, and her response was pretty straightforward. While aid workers will gladly take the attention and donations for any cause - out of all the issues out there, un-shod feet is actually at the bottom of the list of "issues." It's not going to matter if the child has shoes if there is no clean water for them to drink, no medicines available to heal them or no food for them to eat. While yes, they can contract illness or hurt themselves by not wearing shoes, these things are minor in comparison to what not having food, water and medicine does to their lives. 

All good points. But still, in this day and age we all like to help out when and where we can and we all love a company based on promoting social justice. Maybe that's why seeing the "exclusive" TOMS styles irked me so much. For a company that is dedicated to helping the less fortunate, doesn't it seem like by providing these more expensive and better made shoes to an elite demographic that the company is actually creating a bit of a class divide? There are way too many gaps between the "haves" and the "have nots," and I had at least (idealistically) thought that TOMS shoes crossed that divide. 

That all being said, I'm still lusting after those hot pink ballet flats. 

I welcome your comments on this. Did you know about the "exclusive" TOMS brand? Does this affect your opinion of the company, the shoes and the company's mission at all?

After posting this article, fellow blogger Lindsay Goldner pointed me to this article on TOMS shoe's being a "band-aid" that she had recently read. Great read and very relevant to the points my friend Anne made!